Grief

Noun ~ a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow caused by someone’s death
Idiom ~ to suffer disappointment, misfortune, or other trouble: fail:

As this year comes to end in a few short days, I find myself reflecting on all that
has transpired this year, the loss of a very dear friend, a mother whose child is very ill and the hope of becoming part of a new clinical trial unsuccessful. Learning to let go of choices made that cannot be changed. Grief is inevitable the death of a loved one I believe is one of the hardest things to accept. For me I was very lucky to have several months to say good-bye and enjoy Sandy’s company. Many do not get this opportunity because their loved ones died suddenly and unexpectedly. As I sat with Sandy at the end of her journey, I noticed many friends and family didn’t know what to do or say. So, this blog entry will focus on how you can help someone who has lost a loved one.

Below are some tips on ways to help someone who just lost a loved one.

• Listen: those grieving want to be heard, let them tell you about their loss. Let them tell you what they need. Never presume you know what may be best.
• Share: If you have a beautiful memory of their loved one share it, they want to hear fond memories of their loved ones. It is said that laughter is not appropriate at a time of loss. I believe that a friendly smile or laugh can ease the pain remind them of how their loved one would make others smile or laugh.
• Be there: Don’t stay away because you’re afraid that you may say or do the wrong thing. Your physical presence lets them know your there for them.
• Be patient: grief takes time and is different for everyone, don’t rush them, and allow them to share their memories and feelings.
• Remember: The first year is typically the hardest, share those special dates, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, date of their death. It won’t be easy; their life is forever changed and will continue to change as they journey through their grief. The healing process will happen gradually, the loss however always remains.

“The only cure for grief is to grieve” Earl Grollman


Sandy you are missed everyday

Insecurities

From Wikipedia:
Emotional security ~ is the measure of the stability of an individuals emotional state. Emotional insecurity or simply insecurity is a feeling of
general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable or inferior in some, or a sense of vulnerability or instability which threatens one’s self-image or ego.

My insecurities those deep wounds I have overcome have become some of my greatest gifts. When I understood my insecurity and what fueled it, I was on my way to finding my true passion in life. While insecurities will affect everyone differently I believe that the greater the insecurity the greater the fear or isolation it can have on an individuals self-image or ego. Thoughts to ponder:

Some of the biggest insecurities many people deal with:

• Finding success.
• Finding their perfect mate.
• How one is perceived.

To overcome insecurity you need to take the steps needed for change:

• Take responsibility for your actions.
• Capitalize on your strengths, skills, and attributes.
• Be willing to put yourself in a vulnerable position.
• Take risks.
• Believe in yourself.
• Look at your behavior and make necessary changes.

What effects can insecurity have on you?

• Difficulty maintaining healthy long-lasting relationships.
• Difficulty maintaining friendships because of a defensive attitude.
• Passed over for promotions.
• Difficulty in meeting new people.
• Be perceived as snobby or self–centered.
• Feelings of paranoia.

Someone who has had a great impact on my life shared with me:
Rikki Rogers Quote “Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t”

For things to change we need to change ~ check out my website ~
Denverhealing.com ~ Have you suffered enough and ready for change?
Call for your free 15-minute consultation and begin a new journey in life

The truth will set you free

My journey of healing my past has opened so many new doors while closing those doors that were no longer beneficial to my well-being.
I have realized that while I am sharing my journey with other individuals, new doors of opportunity are always opening. The greatest is the ability to share my steps of healing with another person who is going through that same pain.

Here is where I started:

As a Christian, my first step was to let go and let God. I always wanted to be in control and do it my way… It wasn’t working. After so many years of suffering and keeping this secret, I prayed: God please open those doors which I have not been able to and close those doors that have been my greatest obstacles. I could no longer fake it, pretend everything was okay; I was going to have to be genuine. If I expected God to use me to help other people. I knew that I was going to have to be honest and share the truth ~ I would learn that this would set me free.
These steps are not new many people have shared these. We just have to get in touch with them and apply them to our journey of healing.

Feelings ~ This was very hard for me it would open doors for people to judge me, then I remembered no one would judge me harder than I have judged myself. There is a quote “people who hide their feelings usually care the most” I am learning and seeing how very true this is, when we have suffered a deep pain, we tend to show so much more compassion, we know how they may be feeling, we care. So, open your heart so you can have an impact of the lives of others. Share your story and feelings.

Failure ~ I couldn’t go back and change the results of my choice. It was final and nothing was going to make this right. I failed plain and simple. What I needed to learn was that although I had failed, I could forgive myself, it would take many years, for me to succeed at this, I knew God forgave me it, and now I forgave myself. The truth had set me free. We all will fail we just need to remember to learn and grow from our experiences and forgive ourselves. Let the truth set you free.

Faults ~ we all have them, we are not perfect and not everyone is going to like us. We are all a work in progress so be honest, humble, and admit you have faults. Our failures can help make a difference in peoples lives.

Fear ~ False Evidence Appearing Real ~ the real reason so many of us hide the truth, we hold it in and make ourselves miserable, it doesn’t help you or anyone else. It affects our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). * When we learn to share our fears two things happen, it reduces your level of fear and it encourages the other person. You get healing and they get healing.
Our perception Influences our (ANS) when we are free from fear, we are no longer in that “flight or flight” we can experience that peace within us which is so much better for our well-being.

Autonomic Nervous System

Parasympathetic
Safety response
Maintains Homeostasis
Prevents sympathetic functions
Supports immune system
Supports digestive system
Supports Problem-solving

VS

Sympathetic
Stress response
Fight or Flight
Suppresses digestive system
Suppresses reproductive system
Decreased problem solving
Relies on preprogrammed responses

Robin Korth's "my Naked Truth"

This article is a great reminder to love who you are ~ Enjoy

Naked, I stood at the closet doors with the lights on and made myself ready. I took a deep breath and positioned the mirrors so I could see all of me. I consciously worked to remove my self-believed inner image. I opened my eyes and looked very carefully at my body. And my heart lurched at the truth: I am not a young woman anymore. I am a woman well-lived. My body tells of all the years she has carried my spirit through life.

I am a 59-year-old woman in great health and in good physical shape. I stand five-feet, nine-inches tall and weigh 135 pounds. I wear a size six in both jeans and panties, and my breasts are nowhere near my navel. In fact, they still struggle to make it full-up in a B-cup bra. My thighs are no longer velvet and my buttocks have dimples. My upper arms wobble a bit and my skin shows the marks of the sun. There is a softness around my waist that is no longer perfectly taut, and the pout of my abdomen attests to a c-section that took its bikini flatness -- but gave me a son.

Why this brutal scrutiny of myself? It was time to counter the damage of my culture, my own soft-held fear and to pour warm love on my own soul. It was time to claim every mark and not-perfect inch of my own body -- a body that had been called "too wrinkled" by a man who was fetched by my energy and my mind, but did not like the bare truth of me. His name was Dave and he was 55 years old.

We met on a dating site. Dave was interesting, gentlemanly and bright. He held my hand and toured with me on long bicycle rides. He drove many miles to come to my door. He made meals for us both and ruffled my dog's happy head. I was enticed and longed for the full knowing of this man. And so, we planned a weekend together. That's when things got confusing, unspoken and just-not-quite there. We went to bed in a couple's way -- unclothed and touching -- all parts near. Kisses were shared and sleep came in hugs. I attempted more intimacy throughout the weekend and was deterred each time.

On Monday evening over the phone, I asked this man who had shared my bed for three nights running why we had not made love. "Your body is too wrinkly," he said without a pause. "I have spoiled myself over the years with young women. I just can't get excited with you. I love your energy and your laughter. I like your head and your heart. But, I just can't deal with your body."

I was stunned. The hurt would come later. I asked him slowly and carefully if he found my body hard to look at. He said yes. "So, this means seeing me naked was troublesome to you?" I asked. He told me he had just looked away. And when the lights were out, he pretended my body was younger -- that I was younger. My breath came deep and full as I processed this information. My face blazed as I felt embarrassed and shamed by memories of my easy nakedness with him in days just passed.

We talked for some time more, my head reeling at the content of the conversation. He spoke of special stockings and clothing that would "hide" my years. He blithely told me he loved "little black dresses" and strappy shoes. He said my hair was not long and flowing as he preferred, but that was okay because it was "cool looking." I felt like a Barbie Doll on acid as I listened to this man. He was totally oblivious to the viciousness of his words. He had turned me into an object to be dressed and positioned to provide satisfaction for his ideas of what female sexual perfection should be.

He explained that now that I knew what was required, we could have a great time in the bedroom. I told him no. I would not hide from my own body. I would not wear outfits to make my body more "tolerable." I would not undress in the dark or shower with the bathroom door closed. I would not diminish myself for him -- or for anyone. My body is beautiful and it goes along with my mind and my heart.

When I told Dave that I never wanted to see or hear from him again, he was confused and complained that I was making a big deal out of nothing. He whined that I had taken a small part of our relationship and made it a major event. I didn't even want to try to explain the hurt and the horror that he had inflicted upon me. I actually felt sickly sorry for this man as I hung up the phone. It was after this call that I went to the bedroom and gently stripped off my clothes.

As I looked in the mirror -- clear-eyed and brave -- I claimed every inch of my body with love, honor and deep care. This body is me. She has held my soul and carried my heart for all of my days. Each wrinkle and imperfection is a badge of my living and of my giving of life. With tears in my eyes, I hugged myself close. I said thank you to God for the gift of my body and my life. And I said thank you to a sad man named Dave for reminding me of how precious it all is.

Robin Korth enjoys interactions with her readers. Feel free to contact her at info@robininyourface.com or on Facebook.

Let our hearts be broken

I believe that the beautiful gift of true love happens when our hearts have been broken.

We can all share stories of our first true love, that incredible feeling of your heart racing when he or she is near. The smile that melts your heart and the thought of him or her not being with you leaves you watching the time until you are together again. You have created a world that belongs only to the two of you and nothing around you matters except that you are together. For a lucky few that first true love is there only true love as they have spent a lifetime together “until death do us part” at the end however their heart will also be broken and they too will realize the beautiful gift of true love. For many that first true love experience, which did not last a lifetime, can hurt and rip you heart to pieces. What is forgotten in the pain from our broken hearts is that each relationship always has a purpose. Each circumstance is different for everyone as to why his or her relationship ended, as is the level of pain associated with that first broken heart.

As I continue on my journey of healing my past, I am thankful today for the experience of my first broken heart. It was a beautiful beginning to learning how powerful the gift of giving is to each other. I learned that love was not about taking from one or the other it was about giving to each other. True love can at times mean letting someone go “to let them spread their wings and fly” even if hurts. We make choices that at the time seem like they are the best choices only to realize the choice had devastating results. I have also come to realize that I must take responsibility for my behavior in the past, present, and forgive those who have hurt me both in the past and present. This genuine forgiveness allows my energy to shift from a negative energy to a positive energy allowing for healing and resolution.

This journey has had some extraordinary outcomes as I have re-connected with people from my past that I feared would judge me only to realize that even if they had (they didn’t) nobody can judge us harder than we judge ourselves.

I encourage you to take the steps necessary to heal your past so it will not mess up the present.

To new beginnings and happy endings.

COURAGE

Quality of being fearless; brave; bold; to act in accordance with one’s
belief especially in spite of criticism.

Part of Courage is the word “rage” which has several different meanings
I am looking at the meaning: “A burning desire; a passion” which can
move you ahead into new territory and recreate a better you.

It has been said that you need to heal your past so it won’t mess up your present. I have recently begun that journey into my past, which has taken me many years to confront. The FEAR~ “False Evident Appearing Real” prevented me from opening that door. So many questions kept coming to mind, what would people think. How will I be judged? Is it worth it? The answers I realized were:

1. I believe Anthony Hopkins sums it up best ~ It’s none of my business
what people say of me and think of me.
2. No one can judge me harder than I have judged myself.
3. Yes, so worth it.

So, I had to bite the bullet and take a chance. My outcome has been an
Incredible healing journey. Yes, there were some obstacles and roadblocks which I let my creative intelligence guide me to solutions.
In spite of some resistance on my part I have taken the leap of faith and
moving forward in making, my dreams come true.

Find the courage to let go of those past mistakes and misgivings and reach for that brass ring.

Thoughts become things choose the good ones.

Growth

Definition: Gradual development; increases in size, weight, or power;
something that has grown.

A word telling us that we have learned from our experiences. A word to remind us that more challenges may be ahead giving us the opportunity to continue to grow.

Ask yourself, have you allowed yourself to sit complacently in your comfort zone and vegetate? Are you facing challenges that are testing your ability to see clearly? Is your past preventing you from turning those stumbling blocks into stepping-stones?

Well, the greatest thing about growth is that you have a choice on how you handle it. Resist and the rug can still be pulled out from under you.
Embrace it and be ready for the opportunity to experience bigger and better things.

Remember there are no mistakes, just opportunities to learn and GROW!